snarklyboojum | (no subject)

Have you ever been surrounded by fifty of your close relatives and think to yourself that statistically speaking at least one of them has to be gay, and then spend the majority of the evening trying to figure out who?* Just me? Dang.

Oh, the holly jolly days are over. My spirit she is sad, and my bank account, she is sadder. /bad french accent But guess what? I received not one, but two coffee makers, one of which is a handy little microwave brewer (or something like one, anyway). This means I will be getting even less sleep than is good for me and making even more random four-in-the-morning posts. Yay!

Things I have learned this Christmahannakwanzakah:

- Babies and puppies are instant icebreakers and should be at hand during any awkward familial obligations.

- Someone is going to spill something. Chances are, it's going to be me.

- My tastes are completely different from everyone in the family. They all know this, and try to compensate. It's rarely ever a good idea.

- Some people are modest about gift-giving, and enjoy playing Santa with a mere smile and some gift wrap. I am not one of them, because every gift has a story, damn it, and by god I'm going to tell you about it.

- The less I cuss in "real life", the more I do so online. Not really related to the holidays, but there you have it.

- The one and only time I've provided dessert for my maternal grandmother's house goes off splendidly, with the brownies disappearing in fifteen minutes. The day before, everyone at my paternal grandmother's house will wonder aloud why I never bring cookies anymore. This...is a sign. Not sure what kind of a sign, but it's definitely a sign...

- My lap is apparently the perfect comfy roundness for children to sit on, as there was barely a minute where I didn't have one perched there. Not sure if this is a good thing or not.

- Giving me desserts and snacks for Christmas is never a bad thing, except when there's so much sweet stuff in the house that my brain rebels at eating anymore. Homemade caramels, chocolates, flavored popcorn, and cookies are all awesomely tasty things, but I'm going to be pigging out until April for fuck's sake.

- Fourteen-year-old boys will always be more interested in spending their Christmas Cash than spending time with the family...unless they can weasel booze out of them while doing so.

- My one-year-old niece adores the books I bought her, and her mother wanted an aquarium membership, which I could have purchased on sale and at a discount. This is why lists are essential.

- The Christmas Story, A Muppet Christmas Carol, and The Claymation Christmas will never stop being funny, no matter how many times you watch it.

- I love the holidays. And no matter how prepared I am, they will always, always sneak up on me.

* Self always answers: Well, what if it's you? There's a moment of quiet in my brain, and I eventually find my older cousin in the crowd. The one who lives in DC (with another girl, I think) and has never mentioned a boyfriend or even suggested that she wants one, much like myself. If it's anybody, it's her.